Last March, I went to my family doctor in California and with 6 questions, she told me I had depression. What were those 6 questions you ask?
- Did you have a traumatic delivery? Yes, i had a traumatic delivery but it could've been a lot worse
- Do you eat 3 meals a day? No, I usually just snack
- Do you sleep fine? No, I have to take Ibuprofen PM every night because i get bad headaches and it takes me forever to fall asleep
- Do you love your baby? OF COURSE I LOVE MY BABY. This has nothing to do with my baby
- Do you have energy? No, not really. Im usually tired from taking care of my baby.
- Do you have a sex drive? No, definitely NO sex drive. Could it be the IUD?
After numerous prayers and talking with the husband, I decided not to take it. It just didn't feel right. And to be honest, I felt like those questions were too broad. Everyone whether they have a baby or not, may answer yes and no to some of those questions. Not everyone eats 3 meals a day. Not everyone has energy every single day. Not everyone can fall asleep immediately when their head hits the pillow and not everyone can stay asleep at night with no interruptions. I thought to myself, SELF: Your fine. And I am. I know that I am because I know that Im not alone in this. Heavenly Father has helped me SO much during this time. I know that Heavenly Father wouldn't send down one of his precious children to me and be out of our lives completely. I know that Heavenly Father listened to all my 27523723445238 prayers every other minute when I was struggling and needed help or needed comfort. It was a huge testimony builder to finally realize that for myself. I am so grateful for the opportunity Heavenly Father gave me to become a mother and to raise one of his precious children in the gospel. I am so grateful that we were sealed together as a family in His Holy House and I am so grateful for the challenging times I faced when Paxton was a newborn because it truly drew me closer to Him.
Nowadays, instead of letting me feel sorry for myself and instead of feeling so alone and empty, I immediately dismiss those ideas and I get up and do something. My house has never been so spotless and organized and my child has never been more nurtured and loved on. It is an awesome accomplishment and I am so proud to say that Ive come out on top of this trial with a better understanding of it. It also helps me to remember the importance of raising our children in the gospel. I can honestly say that without the gospel in my life, I know I would not have been able to overcome this not medicated. AND who knows what kind of mother I would be. Who knows, where I would be and what I would be doing. It scares me to even think of why life would be like had I not come back to the church.
I want any mother to know that it is OK to have these feelings. Its natural. Just always remember that you are NOT alone. When my mom had to go back to California after being with me for 3 weeks, I was devastated. But instead of relying on her, I had to rely on the Lord. I am so happy that I did.