Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Harrison Update!

Wow, it's been a really, really long time since I've updated the blog. I have a bunch of blog drafts that I need to publish and well, 3 years of posts to write and I definitely need to change the header to this blog! 😳 Eek. Haha. But for now, we'll start with this.

Marc and I have decided to share some personal things on this blog. Not just for us to reflect on but to hopefully have our friends and acquaintances aware of some issues that we have been facing. We'll start off with the not so serious stuff first!

Paxton is 6 and is officially a 1st grader. It's crazy to think that the last time I was updating this blog, he was only 3 years old. Man, does time fly by or what?! Pax goes to school all day and boy, is it nice! Haha. I dread waiting in the pickup line after school, everyday, for 45 minutes. He lost his 1st tooth about a week ago and he looks so cute with it gone! I won't be saying that when he loses his two top teeth though. 🙈 Anywho, Pax is hilarious and has grown up so much lately!

Maddox is 3 and is my little sidekick around the house. I watch a little 7 month old girl everyday from 5:30am until about 2pm, M-F and he loves having a girl around. He absolutely loves being outdoors on the trampoline or riding his Strider bike. Maddox is equally a momma's boy and daddy's boy. He talks up a storm, finally! And we love that his "C's" and "K's" are pronounced with a "T". So when he says "cute" it sounds like "Tute" or "Cupcake" is "TupTate". We are going to be putting him into speech therapy soon though. And just like Pax, Maddox is hilarious!

Marc has been with Skywest for almost 3 years, come this November. He is still a First Officer but has put in for Captains position to 5 bases and whichever one opens up, we will be moving! He has put in for Seattle, Washington, Portland, Oregon, Denver, Colorado, Palm Springs, California and Los Angeles, California. He has been offered a Captains position in Detroit, Michigan but turned it down! Detroit just doesn't sound appealing to us! So we are holding out for one of those bases I listed above. His normal schedule usually requires that he is gone 4 or 5 days straight every week so we don't get to see him much 😢 But as long as he loves his job, I'm happy to support him on that. After all, it does have its perks!

As for me, I still stay home with kids! Back in 2015, I started a graphic design business called Picadilly Prints and it has been fun to do. I've taken a break from it for the past 3 months and don't know when I'll reopen my Etsy shop or take custom orders. Like I said above, I watch a little girl everyday and it has been nice. It's helping me get my baby girl fix. I LOVE traveling so usually I am off doing that! Although, not as much while Pax is in school. But any break he gets, we are gone! I've kept to myself a lot lately and hopefully, I haven't hurt anyone. I've just been trying to absorb everything that's been going on in my life lately.

We also added to our family! We now have a black mini goldendoodle lab. Her name is Roxy and we just adore her! I've never had a dog or did puppy training before and man, was that crazy or what! She sits, stays, comes, goes to her bed, lays and sometimes shakes.

And now, the real reason for updating the blog.....

Marc and I get asked VERY often, when we will have another baby. Or people will make their comments about how it's time for another one. We know that you're just excited for us to have another baby! And if any of you have asked, this is in no way, shape or form meant to be hurtful but we just felt it was time to get deep and address these questions. The bottom line is that we are struggling with getting pregnant. Marc and I have been trying for over a year and half And well, nothing has happened yet, clearly. Come January, we will be going to a fertility clinic to figure out what's going on. With Paxton, we went on vacation to Hawaii and I forgot my birth control for 4 days and well, we ended up pregnant. And with Maddox, I got off birth control, waited one month and tried the next month and we got pregnant with him. So for us to try this long and have no success, we aren't sure what's going on. So there it is. I keep telling myself that if one more person asks me, I'm going to explode. But the second that question is asked and I walk away from that person, I just cry my eyes out. We know that nobody is trying to hurt us especially when they aren't aware of the circumstances. Now you are. And trust us, if it were up to us, we'd most likely have 4 kids sneaking into our bed every night instead of just two.

At the beginning of August, I had miscarriage. I was about 9-10 weeks pregnant. And although it's a bummer that it happened, I knew something was wrong. I received two positive tests the first month, June, and then the second month, July, I got one positive and the rest negative. Then the first weekend of August, I had the miscarriage. I am ok and I'm dealing with it. It helped a little bit when I told the handful of friends/family what happened. And I'm hoping that by writing this down, it won't be such a heavy burden for us anymore. We'll see.

The last 3 months have really been trying on me. I feel like I'm holding the weight of the world on my shoulders. I know a lot of it is my anxiety taking over and that has been a main contributor in my decisions, or lack thereof when I have an attack. Anxiety is real. And it's terrible. I've been questioning and struggling with friendships and losing friendships while also creating new or stronger friendships. I don't want to be friends with people who aren't allowed to be my friend and I don't want friends that have to hide that they are my friend. I gave social media a break. Yes, I would post to Instagram but I've hardly ever, scrolled through the feeds to see what is going on. It's been a nice little break. And has helped me to spend more time focusing on me and my family. I've been doing some major soul searching and re-evaluating what kind of life I want and who I want in it. I've realized that mostly all I want and need is to love and be loved EQUALLY in return.

Marc has been my rock through these last few months. Words can't even describe how grateful I am for him and that he is mine for eternity. Thank you to the family and friends that have stood by me and helped brighten my days. Your constant words of encouragement or thoughtful actions mean the world to me. I'm also so grateful for the church in my life. And although we aren't receiving much guidance on our future, I know that Heavenly Father is there for us and always will be.

Here's to moving forward!