Weight!

In 3 weeks I have lost 11 pounds! I am SO happy! I haven't weighed below 120 pounds since I got married! At 12 weeks pregnant, I weighed 128 pounds. My "newlywed" weight was 125ish. It feels so good to put on clothes that I used to fit and now they are a bit baggy!  I just wish I could SEE the change. Everyone else does but I guess Im just hard on myself and when I look down I just see thunder thighs. Boo. I weighed in yesterday at 118.7 lbs so only 8.7 more pounds to lose. Maybe then I will see a difference.

Me in my new lace dress. Im trying to find a before picture but I can't find one right now so Ill post a comparison pictures later

Feeling Blue

I've been feeling a bit down for some reason. Ok, lets be honest, its been awhile that Ive been feeling down. Ok, lets be more honest, I've been feeling down since Paxton was born. Some days, I'm just a bum all day and other days, it doesn't even phase me. I went from working full-time and always being out of the house to staying in the house ALL DAY for 7 days a week while taking care of my 1st child. It was a hard adjustment. No one ever really talks about life after the baby comes and if or when they do they say, "ohhh life is SO wonderful. I have SO much energy that I just don't know what to do with it all.  I love my life. blah blah blah" For some people, that may be true but for the other 99% of women, its HARD. Learning how to take care of another life, learning how to breastfed, learning how to adjust to staying home rather then going out, and learning how to deal with all these things when you are very sleep deprived. Its hard. And since everyone knows that I don't sugar coat anything, allow me to share my struggle with you.

 Last March, I went to my family doctor in California and with 6 questions, she told me I had depression. What were those 6 questions you ask?

• Did you have a traumatic delivery? Yes, i had a traumatic delivery but it could've been a lot worse
• Do you eat 3 meals a day? No, I usually just snack
• Do you sleep fine? No, I have to take Ibuprofen PM every night because i get bad headaches and it takes me forever to fall asleep
• Do you love your baby? OF COURSE I LOVE MY BABY. This has nothing to do with my baby
• Do you have energy? No, not really. Im usually tired from taking care of my baby. 
• Do you have a sex drive? No, definitely NO sex drive. Could it be the IUD?

As I finish answering the first 3 questions, she immediately started writing on her prescription pad. Her reply: You have depression. Here is a prescription. It'll be very, very rough to get through the first 6 weeks you start taking it so i want to see you back in in 6 weeks. I told her that I live in Utah and that I won't be able to be back here in 6 weeks for a follow up. So she scheduled a phone call appointment where she would call me and check up on me. She then turned to my mom and asked if she could go to Utah and be my support as well as with Marc. Must be some kind of drugs, if A) she is making a phone call appointment and NOT getting paid and B) if she's trying to talk my mom into staying with me for 6 weeks. As we left the appointment, i immediately didn't feel right about taking anti-depressants. I guess i just didn't want to be the "new mom" all "drugged up" because her life is "so miserable". That was not the case. I was sealed to the man of my dreams in the temple. I have a beautiful new baby boy. I am lucky to be a stay at home mom and wife. So why did I just feel so alone and empty? 

After numerous prayers and talking with the husband, I decided not to take it. It just didn't feel right. And to be honest, I felt like those questions were too broad. Everyone whether they have a baby or not, may answer yes and no to some of those questions. Not everyone eats 3 meals a day. Not everyone has energy every single day. Not everyone can fall asleep immediately when their head hits the pillow and not everyone can stay asleep at night with no interruptions. I thought to myself, SELF: Your fine. And I am. I know that I am because I know that Im not alone in this. Heavenly Father has helped me SO much during this time. I know that Heavenly Father wouldn't send down one of his precious children to me and be out of our lives completely. I know that Heavenly Father listened to all my 27523723445238 prayers every other minute when I was struggling and needed help or needed comfort. It was a huge testimony builder to finally realize that for myself. I am so grateful for the opportunity Heavenly Father gave me to become a mother and to raise one of his precious children in the gospel. I am so grateful that we were sealed together as a family in His Holy House and I am so grateful for the challenging times I faced when Paxton was a newborn because it truly drew me closer to Him.

Nowadays, instead of letting me feel sorry for myself and instead of feeling so alone and empty, I immediately dismiss those ideas and I get up and do something. My house has never been so spotless and organized and my child has never been more nurtured and loved on. It is an awesome accomplishment and I am so proud to say that Ive come out on top of this trial with a better understanding of it. It also helps me to remember the importance of raising our children in the gospel. I can honestly say that without the gospel in my life, I know I would not have been able to overcome this not medicated. AND who knows what kind of mother I would be. Who knows, where I would be and what I would be doing. It scares me to even think of why life would be like had I not come back to the church.

I want any mother to know that it is OK to have these feelings. Its natural. Just always remember that you are NOT alone. When my mom had to go back to California after being with me for 3 weeks, I was devastated. But instead of relying on her, I had to rely on the Lord. I am so happy that I did.

Paxton Is 20 Months!

 My baby, Ok, my toddler, well he just turned 20 MONTHS old. That means in 4 months, he will be TWO!! Goodness, where did the time go? He is so funny nowadays and seriously such a joy to be around!
He will come and sit on us and say "hey baby"
He says his name, Paston. We're working on the "x"

He still has 12 teeth. Just waiting on his 4, 1st molar teeth and his 4 canines

He will repeat any word you ask him to say

He loves his coloring book and crayons

He finally has the strength to open our kitchen cabinets

He is in 18-24 size jeans

He can still wear shirts from 12 months on

He is in a size 4 diaper because he pees so much. They are still too big for him though

He wears a size 6-6.5 in shoes

He is in desperate need of a hair cut but we don't know whether to have a shag look or if we should cut it and fohawk. Any suggestions??

He loves nursery and playing with others

Every morning when he wakes up, he will play in his crib. When he's tired of playing in it and wants out he will yell, "moooom. mom. mooooom. mom. Up pwease. moooom." COMICAL

He climbed out of his crib so we turned it around so now he can't get out of it. We did buy a toddler bed before we thought about turning it around so we have that on hand for when he decides to try getting out again

He loves to laugh

He knows his eyes, nose, mouth, ears, hands, feet (finally, he used to call them piggies) belly button, bum, head, arms and legs

He will pinch his nose and talk. He discovered how funny he sounds and now will pinch our nose and make us talk

He loves Ring Around The Rosy and will fall every time

He plays Patty Cake and does the motions

He still sleeps really good. 9:30-10ish AM and naps 4 hours a day

He has a new nightlight that projects stars on the ceiling, thanks to Uncle Brian and has to have his "stars" on during nap time and for bed

He will only eat Velveeta Mac N'Cheese. I tried giving him regular mac n'cheese and he WOULD NOT eat it

He is a real good eater. Still drinks his almond milk and has greek yogurt every morning for breakfast along with eggs or french toast

He still gives good kisses and blows them to people EVERYWHERE we go

His new favorite thing is "knuckles" He will put his fist up and say "Nunkles" Its so cute!

HAPPY 20 MONTHS PAX!!

Im super excited to announce that i am FINALLY going to watch the Star Wars movies

We had some friends over, the Hoyos family and the King family, for ice cream and games yesterday and somewhere during the night, it was mentioned that Jody had never watched Star Wars! I quickly chimed in that i have never seen them either! We all decided to start having a Star Wars night for FHE on Monday nights. Tonight we had our 1st movie night! It was SO much fun! We hosted it our house and had some treats and will rotate between us 3 couples! Im SO excited for the second one! We are watching them from the beginning. YAY for Star Wars!

And here are the Kiddos, running a muck!!

Ryan's face is hilarious!

  Lucy is 23 months. Pax is 20 months. Ryan is 17 months.

Luc, Pax and Ryan!

My 1st Ward Activity as Chair!

I was called, because i bribed the bishopric, to be the Activities Chair in our Student/Married ward! So for our 1st activity, i wanted to get to know the couples. I put together a Newlywed game that worked with more then just the typical 4 couples. I was so nervous about it but it turned out SO great. Marc and I put table numbers on the table, had seating assignments so every couple was across from each other, and had mediators at each table to keep track of scores and to make sure there was no cheating! Yes, i said it CHEATING! We played a Newlywed game in our previous ward (not organized at all) and it was awful and full of cheaters! So this made it impossible to cheat! YAY! I also had a huge dessert bar and i got 2, 3 gallon tubs of ice cream from the BYU Creamery. It was awesome and we have SO much ice cream leftover. Thanks to everyone who came and to my activities crew!

I LOVE this calling!

Paxton's 1st Ice Cream Cone

 Today, Paxton enjoyed his 1st ice cream cone. Marc likes vanilla and hates chocolate and I like chocolate and hate vanilla so when we had to choose which kind to get Paxton, we both said our each favorite to each other and were confused for a minute. 

WHICH FLAVOR SHOULD WE GET HIM????!

Then the sweet, eavesdropping cashier guy said, "We have swirl" PERFECT! Give him both!